[Subject yawns. Wearing white tee-shirt. Holding small cup of coffee]
I didn't even know her for that long, you know? But I had to be there. What kind of person wouldn't be?
Yeah [nervously chuckles], I guess that is a long time. It didn't feel like it though. It just flew by. Everyday felt like a minute, every week felt like an hour, and [pauses] well, you know that old cliche. Every second I spent with her was amazing.
Well, yeah. I was. I'd say I was.Probably, uh, maybe I still am. Yeah, I still am. But what can you do, you know? What can I do?
[Subject lights a cigarette. Subject's hands shake while lighting. Subject's eyes are glossy. Must press this issue]
What do you want me to say? It was a shi-- It was a tough time for me, alright? I was in love with someone for months. And, you know, life got in the way. It wasn't anything I could control or anything she could. Everything happened so, so, fuc-- God [tears roll down Subject's face].
I don't want to.
Fine, fine, fine. I was playing music at this event in college and uh, I had left my cell phone in the car, you know? I didn't want to be distracted or whatever and [deep breath], and when we were done I went to get it and I had a bunch of voicemails. I couldn't believe people still left voicemails, I checked every one of them and they all said, they all said the same thing.
[clears throat] So, uh, I raced to the hospital. Of course I did. There wasn't traffic and they let me right into the waiting room and I sat there with her friends and everything was cold and uninviting and I couldn't lift my face from my hands when they told me. And I said to myself, I said [crying, profusely, embarrassingly], I said, when she gets out of this, you know, out of her sickness, I'm going to marry her, I promised myself I would. So I sat and I stayed there. For months I visited, I came in, saw her, read her books, talked to her.
Are you serious? She never got up and I never got married. That's what happened.
[end of interview]