paulisadroid
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Letting Someone Believe in You When You Don't Believe in Yourself
You're sitting alone, as always, at your favorite breakfast place. The small restaurant is known for its pancakes but you never order pancakes (sometimes you get a waffle but you have to be feeling particularly good about yourself in order to want a waffle). You look around and start to wonder why you always come here alone.
You send a text to your partner (they're at work, they work six days a week) and tell them that you're at the breakfast place that you love. You tell them that you're watching all the couples talk while they eat and how you think you can tell which couples are on their first date versus the ones who are on they millionth. You tell them that you wish they were here.
They don't respond. They usually don't. Not until their lunch break, anyway. And that doesn't happen for another few hours. So, you're stuck. You're stuck with your thoughts and the way you feel [you feel unimportant].
You mix your eggs into your home fries with ketchup and you wish you had someone to talk to. You think about your partner, again. And what they would say if they saw you mashing your food together like a four-year-old. You laugh, to no one. You think of how they feel about your unemployment and the way you jump from odd job to odd job. The way you make almost no money and how they have to pay every time the two of you go out.

"one of these days I'll give up and give in to the man"

You hum to yourself. Not because you want things for yourself. But because you want to take care of your partner for once. Because you don't want them to feel like they're carrying all of the financial weight. You want to be useful to them, you want them to stop thinking that you're dead-weight [they don't think this, at all, but you won't believe it].
You pay your bill, head home, and start applying for jobs you think you might like. It doesn't go well. Fortunately, you spent enough time in front of the computer bullshitting that by the time you're ready to give up, your partner is home.
You explain your feelings to them [you feel worthless in the relationship]. They smile, it's an odd smile, and they tell you they're happy you're trying. And they know that you need help, they grab your hand, and promise that they'll help you get on your feet. You kiss them and smile.
1 comment
I like this a bunch. I have been in similar shoes and I identify with it. I was expecting more of a downer ending but was pleasantly surprised.
2 years ago·Reply
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