[Subject showed up late. Drinks cold coffee without hesitation.]
Sorry, I got wrapped up in something. So, uh, I'm asking the questions today? Yeah? Okay. How many people do you interview in a week?
I don't believe it. I can't be. There's got to be more to this program than just [pauses], it doesn't make any sense. I mean, what's the significance, why am I so important? Actually, wait that's not the real question. This is, how long have you been doing this?
Figures, you don't really have bedside manner. I mean you let me smash my head against a metal table two months ago. [laughs] I know, it was stupid. It won't happen again, I swear. I'm on that weird pill now and things seem to be working out for me. Alright, next question -- that's a pretty good impression of you, right? -- what's your favorite song, and why?
[Subject looks up song on smartphone. Plays it] This is weird. When did this come out? [pauses] '95? Geez, I think I was like 6 or 7 when that song came out. I keep forgetting how much older you are than me [laughs], sorry I didn't mean that like, well, you know. So is there any significance to this song? Like, why's it your favorite?
I don't know if I could ever wait for someone the way you did. And yeah, I totally get it, the song sounds so nervous about knowing someone else and letting them in, it's kind of funny that this is your job. You have to get to know people, you know? Is that what you're doing? That's not the real question, I'm just talking it out but I guess it's good, you know? You really are trying to conquer that fear you told me about. Remember? When we were, uh, yeah, remember?
Sorry, I know. We shouldn't talk about that with the recorder going. You got in trouble last time and you blamed all of that shit on me -- I'm over it by the way, I swear. I'm not lying. I know I get shit for that from you and your bosses, for lying and all that. But I swear I'm not.
It sucks about your ex-boyfriend though. Is that why we aren't, um, why we couldn't, you know, keep going?
You'll answer everything else but not this? Why not? That's fucking unfair to me. I've spent a year and a half of my life talking to you about my personal life and I ask you one fucking question about yours and you get all defensive? I thought we were at a point now, [name redacted]? I thought this was a "big step", you said that shit. Not me.
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You don't need to call them into the diner. I'll control myself. I just [pauses], I just thought that we could finally be honest with each other.
[End of interview. Interviewer declined to sign agreement. Do not include her in transcript.]
[This has been an Interview with Man About Himself]