How American Ultra Makes Me Feel a Little Less Alone
So, another trailer for American Ultra (aka my movie of the year) was released recently and I could not be any more psyched than I already am. Or, you know what, maybe I can be. I'm not really sure. But here's the thing, I've been ranting and raving about this movie like it was the Second Coming and I wasn't really sure why.
But, listen, I think I figured it out. The reason I'm really, really, excited for this movie is because it makes me feel less alone on a lot of levels. Hold on, hold on, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm crazy. Listen, I probably am. But take my metaphorical Internet hand and I'll explain it to you.
Have you ever just, well, hung out with a friend -- or two friends, whatever -- and sat on the couch and just had, like, I guess a weird conversation (without smoking weed. Mom, I don't smoke weed, alright? Stop bugging me and don't look through my stuff). Like, what I'm trying to say is this:
Growing up, I've always felt like I was worth more than I actually was, you know? And even now, I still sort of think that. But I'm not Harry Potter or, like, Luke Skywalker or anything. I'm not The One. None of us are. So, what do we do? We fill our lives with whatever makes us happy at the current moment whether it's, like, drugs (Mom, I don't do drugs, okay? Quit bugging me) or drinking or sex or whatever, right?
And all of us, you know, go through this weird emotion. We want to be the Hero, we want to by the Guy or Girl, whatever, I don't know you. It's kind of like a delusion of grandeur -- is that right? I don't know if that's right. Whatever, hold on [inhales not drugs] -- and for a while, I've given up on that feeling. Like that I was worth something? I was okay with being an outcast, a weirdo, and a loser, you know? And this fucking movie comes along and I'm all, "what the fuck".
Listen here, I'm not saying this movie is changing my life or anything because that's, well, a little fucking stupid. It's just like -- look at me, I'm gross and I'm smelly. I smell the way Kristen Stewart looks, you get me? I'm a fucking trainwreck and not in that shitty slut-shaming movie kind of way. It's more, like, how am I still alive, you know?
But like here's this movie about this stoner that I identify with (Mom, stop asking me that, for real. I'm not whatever, I'm just really hungry and I was rubbing my eyes earlier) who gets "activated" and, like, starts doing really cool shit -- even though it's kind of violent or whatever.
And maybe, I'll get "activated" in my own way, you know? Like, here I am living a pretty uneventful and boring life, right? But every time I see new trailers come out for this movie, I feel like that might happen to me. I don't want to kill people with spoons. But I do want to be better and this movie, for some fucking reason, reminds me that maybe I can be one day.
I can't wait to watch this movie when it comes out in August, I can't remember the date, what was it? Yeah, the 21st, I think it's a Friday. Wait, don't all movies come out on Fridays [laughs].