Your arms are around her and the world collapses around the both of you. You can feel her breathing and she can feel yours. Your eyes focus on the tip of her nose and you shut them. Time slows down as you lean in and your mind -- and your heart -- start to race.
You are nervous. You don't know why you are, though. You can't understand it. You've spent most of your life kissing people but with her, it's different. You worry that you might be "bad" at it. You remember the rumors about you in high school (the rumor that you were the worst kisser in school and the way that everyone you kissed would say "oh the rumors aren't true" right after kissing you). You try your best to take these thoughts out of your head but it doesn't work.
You decide it's too late to back away and mentally brace yourself the same way a boxer would before getting hit in the face.
And you kiss. And it'd be a lot easier for you to think, "it felt good". But that's not really the case. It feels more than good. You feel all of everything at the same time and it's a confusing and scary feeling.
Your chest feels tight, the air feels like it's being sucked out of your lungs while they're being filled up (see, what I mean). Your hands shake and you close your eyes tighter. You lock up against someone else and feel something more than the physical pleasure of locking up with against someone else.
"Your lips so full that I could cry out my sockets, cry out my sockets. Your eyes so close that I could hide in the closet, hide in the closet. My heart's so poor that I could wait for your hands in my pockets. My heart's so broke that I could beg for affection, beg for affection. Now I only have eyes for you."
The song in your head starts to play and you pull her closer to you. Nothing else really matters at this moment. Just you. And her. A part of you worries that she doesn't feel the same way but the way she holds on to you puts that fear to rest. You pull back slowly and open your eyes and it's almost like trying to peel magnets away from each other.
"I think you're funny. I like your friends. I like the way they treat you. I've got some money that we could spend. Not that you're like that. I'm falling in love again."
You open your eyes slowly and see that she's doing the same. You both have a strange look plastered on your faces. It's obvious that neither of you expected to feel the way you are currently feeling. You both thought it'd only be a kiss and part of you is afraid that it wasn't just a kiss.
You want to deny the way that you feel. You want to hide that there's something more to it than just a make out. You don't want to admit that whenever she's close to you feel your hands start to shake and your insides start to stir. You don't want to think about how you haven't felt like this in years and the fact that you do is fucking terrifying and you don't want her to know the bad parts of you or the sad parts or the parts that make you manic and anxious.
But you lock eyes with her and all you can think about is kissing her again.