[Subject hair is long and greasy. Constantly brushing it out of face. Sipping coffee slowly]
I woke up on Monday with a bloody nose, you know? Like, that's a thing that happens to me sometimes but it's got to be some kind of omen, right? I felt like life was telling me, hey man, get ready for the worst week of your life.
And you know what? It was, it started off horribly. It started raining, I didn't think it was going to. I almost got hit by a goddamn truck, I didn't think I was going to. And, and! When I got on the bus, this giant slab of a man fell asleep and kept resting his sweaty, shit-filled head on me. And I had to deal with it 'cause, like, I'm a fucking tiny dude you know?
I guess I could have tried to wake him up. But I'd given up at that point, you know?
Well, the rest of the fucking week decided to follow suit. It was like, hey Monday, that's a good idea! Let's keep shitting on this guy's parade, you know?
It's all like a huge blur but by Thursday, I was done. I accepted that this was my fucking life, you know? And I'm not being dramatic because you know better than anybody that my life up to this point hasn't been a giant rainbow. No way, I was feeling like that fuckin' Trix rabbit. I just wanted some cereal, you know, metaphorically. But I couldn't have it. 'Cause I'm not a goddamned kid, anymore.
And that's the thing about life. That'sthe really fucked up thing about life. That like, here you are sprouted into this world and all these grown-ups, all these adults tell you that everything's gonna be great. You could do whatever you want. But they're lying to you. They know the truth and they don't fuckin' tell you. No one does. And then, and then, all of a sudden you're a part of this group that lies to little babies.
I just felt done with everything. I was like, well what's the point? What's the point to life? To any of this? I could just, like, jump in front of that truck -- the one that almost hits me every goddamn morning -- and that's it. Then what? Sure, my friends and family would be sad for a bit. But what about after that? You know what's after that? Fucking. Nothing. Business as usual. Mom goes back to work, [name redacted] finds a different dude to fuck, and my best friends? They find new best friends, ones that don't jump in front of trucks.
I'm still here 'cause something changed. Something always changes, you know? And that's the best part. That's the best thing about life. It's that every day is different than the last. Every breath that you take isn't the same as the one you took before it. You're constantly changing every second of every day and it's so easy to forget about that, you know?
Here listen to this song, it kind of gets what I'm trying to say:
Like gravity we keep on pulling ourselves down,and we're waiting for something better when we can just lift it back up ourselves.
It's like: every time something changes, you get another chance. Another chance to make things better than they were before. Yeah, you still have all that negative shit built inside you, it's human to have those feelings. It's okay, you're alright, you're fine, you know? Be fucked up about something. But when you get a choice to be cognizant of the changes that happen around you every second. When you're aware of your life and the way the sun goes up and down every day and how, like, you consciously choose to be better, that's what it's about. Am I making sense?
It's kind of like time-travel. You know, like, it's fun to imagine and fantasize about but the earth is constantly moving so it's like, you'll never be in that same place again. Sure, travel back in time to 1976 or something, you'll probably land in the vastness of space 'cause the earth is where you built that machine, you know what I'm saying? Like, sure, I got bloody noses every day this week and, yeah, that behemoth slept on me and, okay, I almost died. But I'm not dead. And I'm in a different fucking place now, you know? Both physically and figuratively. You get me?