3 years ago5,000+ Views
After another tug-o-war with the comb and my unruly hair, I sat back in my chair and my eyes started to tear up. When I first chopped my hair off, I felt beautiful and free. When I was 5 months into my natural hair journey, I began to feel very frustrated. I didn’t feel attractive. Combing my hair was impossible. My hair was a ball of mess. There were a few times that I really wanted to take a razor to my hair. I was so frustrated, I thought that maybe I'd rather be bald, than to deal with this frizzy, thick, impossible mess.

And I kept thinking, “is this shit even worth it?”

Everytime I skimmed through photos of my relaxed hair, I remembered how easy it was to manage. I didn’t have to add 10 different products to my hair to make it look OK. I didn't have to do anything to it the night before. My hair at the time was actually healthy. I went to the salon every two weeks for a Dominican blow-out. I just spread out my hair relaxers to prevent breakage.
Last week, I was wondering what was really the point of going "natural?" Was I following a trend? Was I following my heart? Was I really embracing my roots? Or was I hiding them? I hide my hair with wigs, weaves, and braids. And although all those styles are great protective styles, I am not doing them to protect my hair, I doing to hide and tuck ever kink and curl.
Before going through the natural hair thing, I lusted over all these curly, glorious natural hair photos. I thought -- I want my hair to look like that! I want my hair to be big, beautiful, and curly.

But I didn't consider the fact that my hair will probably not look like the girls in the photos.

A few weeks ago I stared at my pair of hair scissors, and thought about whether or not it was a good idea to cut my entire hair off. The next day my gaze was fixed on a box of hair relaxer. I told myself:


I am feeling absolutely #DONE with the natural hair journey, but I decided to put my hair in box braids and think about what I was doing, before acting impulsively. Do I want to continue the natural hair thing? Not really. Actually, I've been really wanting to slap that creamy crack (hair relaxer) on my hair for months now. And maybe I will. And I don't think I should be shamed for it. I just want to feel comfortable and I want to my hair to be manageable. I no longer want to spend my night and mornings trying to get my hair to do what I want it to do. I just want to be. Has anyone else shared my frustration?

Don't get me wrong, I loved my hair when I first cut it. It was short, cute, and curly. Maybe I just need to rock it short.

I'll keep y'all updated. :)
My transition is going well so far. I don't plan on doing the big chop. Just trim little by little until the relaxed hair is completely gone. I think this makes it easier to manage my hair. I am able to pull my hair back into a bun or ponytail. If I ever decide to go back to relaxing my hair, I will get it done professionally.
It's definitely easier for me to handle my relaxed hair, than my natural hair. The simple act of combing hair is a fuckin' nightmare when my hair is natural. I've got a lot to think about, as far as what I want to do with my hair.
I've never considered what a pain in the neck taking care of natural hair is. I always assumed because of the process, relaxing hair must be more annoying than anything else. But I appreciate this very real perspective – and I agree! You definitely shouldn't be shamed for wanting your hair a certain way. Just like I shouldn't be shamed for wanting to dress a certain way. It's all about what makes YOU feel like your most beautiful self.
haha, loved the usage of gifs and pics. we all go through the struggle at some point. it's a win or losing game. ahhhh! I'm somewhat in the same boat, but I think I've fallen in love with crochet braids. so until I'm over them, I will put the thought of what to do next in the back of my head. you'll figure it out though :)
@alywoah sorry to be late with my response but ok
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