In case you haven't noticed, I haven't really published a video of my own for a long time. I knew I would be on and off with starting school and being a resident assistant this year, and I planned on doing videos whenever I got a chance to go home. But as time went on, I actually liked not having to worry about making videos and what people would think of them. It's crazy how much a dislike button and comments section can impact things. During my time away I also noticed a few things within the KPop YouTuber community that I didn't like (i.e. elitist and egotistical people who make reactions and get mad when others do the same, and... actually that's the only thing) along with some people who have judged me for being a "KPop YouTuber." It's honestly not really an environment I want to be in anymore. I don't really enjoy the idea of being so accessible on the internet anymore, especially with me having a job now and looking for other jobs in the near future. I lived in constant fear that someone would find my channel and watch a video or two and ask me about it... You know for someone who's so open to putting themselves on the internet so visibly like I did, I absolutely hate talking about things I do with my own time with other people. Aside from my family, I only told 3 people about my YouTube channel. The anxiety that came along with keeping my channel a secret from others was exhausting. I didn't even like most of my close friends knowing about it.There's also the fact that the people in my area who are into KPop are not exactly the kind of fans I like to associate myself with. I don't want someone I know to find the videos and automatically group me with the Koreaboos they've heard of, because I am absolutely not one. I don't even tell people I listen to KPop. You guys know all of the questions and assumptions people make about KPop fans. I hate dealing with people asking me why I can't listen to music in English, or assuming I'm only attracted to Korean people, or saying that the only reason I'm learning Korean is to marry an idol. I listen to plenty of music in English, I'm attracted to many ethnicities, and I learn Korean because it challenges me academically. I'm not ashamed of my channel or liking KPop, I'm just tired of it impacting other people's views of me. That being said, I haven't completely deleted my channel. I just made all of the videos unlisted, because I do enjoy going back and laughing at my over-the-top reactions and I know you guys do, too. Since the videos are unlisted, you can still view them on Vingle since you technically have the link to the video by viewing it here. In fact my whole channel just became a Vingle Exclusive, because if you visit my channel on YouTube, subscribed or not, it says that I have no uploaded content. I've made too many friendships through Vingle to completely throw away the things that connected us. I still have my Highlight Vlog to post, and I recently went a little wild and bought 3 different BAP albums that I'll be doing unboxings for, but as far as I know, those videos will be the last ones for a very long time. I still want to follow through with the original intention of my channel, which was getting used to being on camera for when I hopefully start teaching English in Korea, so I guess the next time you'll see me is in Korea. Or maybe right before I go, I don't know.
Anyway, I'm sorry for that long chunk of a paragraph. I am so thankful for the roughly 18,000 people from YouTube and Vingle who have enjoyed my videos, and I hope you understand why I'm choosing to leave YouTube for a while. I'll still be semi-active on Vingle, so you'll see me around ^_^